I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
