I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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