All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
