Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
