Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize