You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
