Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
