I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
