I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
