You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize