The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
