sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
