goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize