3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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