I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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