At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
