She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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