im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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