Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
