PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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