I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
