fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
