i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
