At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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