ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
