i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
