It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
