just come out here and I will go home with you...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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