The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
