Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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