Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
