I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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