ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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