It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
