I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
