yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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