i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
