Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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