capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
