The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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