Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
