had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
