found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
