Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
