Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
