nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
