"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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