Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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