you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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