Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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