I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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