Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
