I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
