I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize