So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
