I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
