The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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