You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
