Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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