we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
