And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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