I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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