I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
