You can't motorboat a personality
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
