Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
