Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
