12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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