I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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