i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
