I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
