Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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