she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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