just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
