is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Randomize
