hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize