by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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