Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
