Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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