I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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