yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
