and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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