All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
