so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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