don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize