You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
