i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
