but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
