how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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