Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
