Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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