the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
