Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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