Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
